{this moment}

can't you just nap with him?

Yesterday I was at the 6 month (one month late!) visit for our baby. I was lamenting our sleep problems, when I realized that our pediatrician is cool in many ways (wise with natural remedies, and so on) and I do really like her, but she's seems a tad out of touch (with me) in other ways.

Like when I told her that I was having trouble getting baby to sleep anywhere but the guest bed (not safe!) for his nap. And she said, well then just grab a book and nap with him. And do what with my 3year old? Put him in front of a cartoon until he turns into a drooling aphid?

And when I mentioned that none of us were getting any sleep (and I mean that almost literally) and joked that we needed 2 night nurses and we'd be all set. With a straight face she said she had a list of numbers of good ones. Clearly she's not in our tax bracket.

I don't really expect our doctor to solve our family sleep problems. I don't even know why I asked, since I have read up on almost every approach to baby sleep that our library affords us. Perhaps that is the problem, though, with modern parenting-- information overload. And the cynical me thinks (and knows) that most of these books are out there so that books are sold, rather than babies are allowed to sleep. From the great and growing empire of Sears family books (if your child cries he will become a sociopath and it'll be your fault!), to the sleep training quick-fixes (watch movies with your hubby while teaching your baby to sleep and wake up singing Hallelujah!), they all have the answer, and it's only one or two sentence that acknowledge the reality that most parents need to hear: Do what works for your family.

But you see, all of the books do say that at some point. And that's not going to sell anyone anything. My old pediatrician from our old town said that we were doing a great job as parents, and to just do what we needed to do. That was nice. I should remember that. It would also be wise to remember that she may say that to every parent, no matter how rotten, knowing that parents will do what they will do regardless of her advice. Sure, blow smoke in your kid's face, you're doing a great job! AKA, the high-self-esteem for all parents philosophy.

It seems, in the small survey of parents I know, that many of us don't seem to have to confidence to know what it means to parent without identifying with a book, method, or expert's opinion. I wonder if this has always been the case, or if it truly is a symptom of the media-glut that we parent in these days. I have taken out so many parenting books from the library, only to open many of them, say "yeah right," and snuggle up with a good book of MFK Fisher essays, where I am told how to eat spring peas, not how to care for the babies I love more than life itself. It just gets tiresome to be told over and over again conflicting stuff... and then feel like a martyr or monster if I don't/can't/won't follow the advice.

Some of it I could and did follow, until #2 came along. Then whether I am supposed to snuggle our 3 year old to sleep every night, or let our baby fuss for a while before sleeping, I can't because there are now two with needs. And those needs can't both be met at the same time. And certainly not at 3am.

So I'm going to try to listen a little harder and see if there is a mommy-voice inside that does exist despite all the loud competition. And, if you have any advice of your own, join the chorus, please.

{this moment}

eating the tomato crop

We've been occasionally dipping in to our freezer and using some tomatoes we froze last year. I posted at the time about trying it as an experiment, and reporting back. Well, it hasn't been a failure entirely. We have used many tomatoes, and I like that we used our freezer for keeping some of the harvest. Next time, though, I'm going to puree them first. I had the big food mill that I bought for applesauce-making out yesterday to puree some winter squash for a recipe and to see if our little one likes it. That's when I realized that I could fairly easily slice the tops off the tomatoes and run them through this food mill and have pureed tomatoes! Then, we can easily freeze one-cup (or more) servings in glass jars and use them as needed. I like this idea more than freezing whole tomatoes, since all I really need them for is sauce and soup in the winter. I just tried it on some frozen Juliettes, and it worked really well for making beet soup tonight.

What's your favorite way to keep your garden crops?

Our beloved Lula, 2004-2012

the last picture we have with Lula in it

Our kitty Lula died this morning at home in her kitty bed. Her symptoms pointed to some kind of intestinal cancer, but we will never know for sure. She was eight years old, and we will miss her so much. Lula was the first kitty I ever had. She showed up in the backyard of the little red house where Ken lived when we met, and then where we both lived when we were newlyweds. She was sick and hungry and teeny tiny when we met her. It was April, and the vet suggested she might have been a dumped dorm kitty, which I was surprised to learn even was a category.

Once she recovered from her foray in the wild, she became a wonderful house kitty. Playful, clean, sweet, and beautiful. She really was a beautiful cat with lovely striped markings on her face.

She wasn't a lap cat, per se. She was very selective, and always loved Ken the best. If I had a scanner and time, I'd post one of the many photos I have of Lula curled up in the crook of his arm while they both slept. So sweet. And today poor Ken was out digging a grave for her. We selected a nice spot under our bedroom widow in the shady hosta garden and I will always think of her when I look at the mammoth hosta that, by summer, will be covering her little grave.

Lula changed me as a person. I remember telling my long-time best friend that we found a kitty and were adopting her. Her reaction was "And do you actually touch her?" I wasn't always much of an animal person. But something about Lula really changed all of that. My relationship with her certainly changed after the arrival of our first child, but again, I can't pretend to know how she felt about it. I remember worrying and worrying about her whenever we would leave. But lately, it was just nice to see her come out after the kids went to bed and snuggle with us on the couch. Ken said that it's too bad she didn't get to see us on the other side of all this toddler and baby craziness. I agree. We really will miss her so much.

Rest in peace, sweet kitty. You were well loved in your lifetime, and we are so glad you found us.

a special day

today i am

a little laughy

and smiley

and tickley

and brotherly

....and six months old!

special places

a lovely walled-in park, the size of a city block. paved paths, huge trees, a few formal-ish gardens, and a conservatory. perfect for that kinda-nature-y day.

our artist

We have discovered that our little boy loves painting. It helps to have really washable watercolors and heavy watercolor paper.

goals for this coming season

I'm not into New Year's resolutions, but I would like to write down a few of my hopes as I look toward our growing season here in New England. My thoughts:

1) I'd like to have an epic strawberry-jam making session, such as I remember from the summers of my childhood. The CSA my sister belongs to has strawberries that I feel are pretty safe for the eating. I'd like to buy a bunch when we are up there and (are you reading this, Mom?) make jam with my Mom in NY. Seems better to pair up with someone who has done it before.

2) I really want to stock up on local blueberries while they are in season. I think we'll pay a visit to Windsong Farm, which has been recommended highly by some of my friends b/c of their safe growing practices. The trouble is that when blueberries are in season we eat them so fast that we've never been able to save any. (Oh, and we hope to harvest some from the 2 bushes we planted in our yard last year.)

3) We have plans to expand our backyard garden. I'm thinking we should add string beans, kale, peppers, squash, herbs, cabbage, . . . and more on that soon.

4) More applesauce! We have been enjoying our treats from the freezer. We bought a large bag of seconds from High Hill Orchard and it made delicious sauce. We could easily have eaten many times the amount we made...

5) I'd like to put a white hydrangea in front of the house, where we lost a small piney shrub.

6) We will need to come up with a good way to control weeds. Suggestions?

7) Since we are in suburbia, we need to figure out how to keep our front lawn somewhat un-dead over the summer. gag me.

8) We hope to be able to use some of our own compost for our gardens this year, but I also hope to find a good place to purchase some in bulk.

And what about you? Do you have any growing-season goals?

E

Wow. It really is tempting to violate one of my aforementioned CSA rules and sign up for this one. My, it's tempting. I did get a few chances to talk with this farmer, and he seems wonderful. Furthermore, we bought our tomato plants from him last year and they turned out to be just terrific. I've always enjoyed the veggies they have at the markets. Unfortunately--and this really is a bummer--the farm is 30 minutes from our place. However, unlike last year's CSA farm, this would be a commute on smallish roads, not a busy highway.

Thinking... thinking...

Still, maybe the best route is putting a lot of time into growing our own food. We don't have a lot of land, but we could probably grow enough to supplement our trips to the farmers markets this summer.

I don't think we'll join a CSA this year. In my previous post I talked about getting to know growers before joining their CSA, and I am going to take my advice. The only grower we're really considering now is at Bodichitta Farms, and the CSA pick up is at one of the New Haven Farmer's Markets (I think). But, I still don't know much about her or her farm, though we did buy a lot of maple syrup and mushrooms from her last year. And they were yummy! She seems really down to earth and invested in sustainable farming, so this is still a possibility. I'm waiting to hear more details, particularly about pick-up location and days so that we can decide if it will work for us.

Here's the good news-- when we moved here last year I thought that it was a dire situation with finding good local foods. Turns out that it's a little better than that, thank goodness. True, the farmer's market that is within walking distance of us is a huge letdown, but there are several in New Haven that have a number of good options. At these markets we've been glad to find some old favorites like Four Mile River Farm and Beltane Farms, but also discovered Starlight Gardens in Durham, Northfordy Farm in Northford, Riverbank Farm from Roxbury, Bodichitta Farm from Prospect, and a handful of other growers who are always at the market with great food. The trouble is that these markets are busy. Really, really busy! Not only is the market so busy that it's hard to talk to any of the grower for very long, but the location is such that you don't want to turn your back on your kid for very long either. Busy roads, unpleasant dogs, etc. So that's a disadvantage of these markets that I'm getting used to. For those of you who know me, I really do like to hang around and talk... and that hasn't been happening at any of these markets. On the bright side, one of the markets has a really popular set of tennis courts that are packed on the weekends, and we always have fun joining the spectators and seeing the games.

Here are a couple of pictures of us watching tennis at one of the urban markets from the fall of 2010. My little boy looks like a baby! Oh my.

This just in.... Starlight Gardens has started a CSA for 2012. And this is one farm we've been really into at the markets .... Okay-- back to the drawing board!